Madcap (zimdanen) wrote,
Madcap
zimdanen

lOMG a real post!

Georgia schools to close two days to save gas.

Parents were complaining that the closing of schools makes them have to find babysitters for their children, but according to my calculations, the number of children needing babysitting meets pretty closely the number of babysitters suddenly in need of things to do with their time. ^^





And for the funny: Headlines from the year 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the
seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as
California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops
and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American
Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan,
Syria and Lebanon).

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at
least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by
Jamaica.


Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be
imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all
smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and
reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to
weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast
shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their
civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with
congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
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