Madcap (zimdanen) wrote,
Madcap
zimdanen

One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin.

Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.

The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed with expensive clothes and accessories.

As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.

As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here
again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship." The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.

The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored.

The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."

"I did," replied the old cowboy.

"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.

"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in this church before."

---

U.S. Senator Hillary Clinton visited a primary school in Ithaca, New York, to talk about her job as a senator. After her talk, she offered question time.

One little boy put up his hand and the Senator asked his name.
"Kenneth,' he replied. "And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asked.

Kenneth answered, "I have three questions:

"First.....whatever happened to your medical health care plan?

Second.....why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And
Third.....whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"

Just then the bell rang for recess. Senator Clinton informed the kiddies
that they would continue after recess.



When they resumed, she asked,
"Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right.....question time. Who has a
question?"

A different little boy raised his hand; Hillary pointed him out and
asked him his name. "Larry," he replied. "And what is your question?" continued the Senator.

"I have five questions," he answered,

"First.....whatever happened to your medical health care plan?

Second.....why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

Third.....whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?

Fourth.....why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?

And Fifth.....what happened to Kenneth?"


He said.....I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said.....You wear pants don't you?

He said.....Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said.....That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said.....What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said.....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said.....Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said.....I would but you're never there.

He said.....Why did the man cross the road?
She said.....He heard the chicken was a slut.

He said.....Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said.....They don't have time

He said.....How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said.....We don't know; it has never happened.

He said.....What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?
She said.....A widow.

He said.....Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said.....Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
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