Madcap (zimdanen) wrote,


    "Is that all?" Krebs said.
    "Yes. Don't you love your mother, dear boy?"
    "No," Krebs said.
    His mother looked at him across the table. Her eyes were shiny. She started crying.
    "I don't love anybody," Krebs said.
    It wasn't any good. He couldn't tell her, he couldn't make her see. He had only hurt her. He went over and took hold of her arm. She was crying with her head in her hands.
    "I didn't mean it," he said. " I was just angry at something. I didn't mean I didn't love you."
    His mother went on crying. Krebs put his arm on her shoulder.
    "Can't you believe me, mother?"
    His mother shook her head.
    "Please, please, mother. Please believe me."
    "All right," his mother said chokily. She looked up at him. "I believe you, Harold."
    Krebs kissed her hair. She put her face up to him.
    "I'm your mother," she said. "I held you next to my heart when you were a tiny baby."
    Krebs felt sick and vaguely nauseated.
    "I know, Mummy," he said. "I'll try and be a good boy for you."

That reminds me of when I yelled at my mother while we were on our way up to Rochester, telling her that she wasn't a good mother. I was worried about Maggie because something had happened to her at a party (don't want to talk about it in here, ie. this entry) and I'd gone through a kind of nervous breakdown and was very worried.. I was coming a weekend too late.. and I didn't want to eat, and she said that if I didn't eat, we'd go back home. So I was very upset with her. She cried.. I felt very bad. Still do. I shouldn't have done that. But I was under a lot of stress, and not eating for a little bit wouldn't have killed me.. I just needed to see Maggie. (Yes, this was while we were still together.) Not that that's any excuse..
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