Madcap (zimdanen) wrote,

* The Optimist sees the bagel, the pessimist sees the hole.

* If you can't say something nice, say it in Yiddish.

* If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.

* Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?

* WASPS leave and never say goodbye, Jews say goodbye and never leave.

* Israel is the land of milk and Honey, North London is the land of Milk of Magnesia

* Never pay retail

* Its always a bad hair day if you are bald.

* No one leaves a Jewish wedding hungry, but then again no one leaves with a hangover.

* The high holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.

* Always whisper the names of diseases.

* If you don't eat, it will kill me.

* Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.

* Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon.

* Never leave a restaurant empty handed.

* A bad matzah ball makes a good paper weight.

* Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?

* Before you read the menu, read the prices.

* There's a time in every man's life when he must stand up and tell his mother he's an adult.

This usually happens at around 45.

* According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.

* If you're going to whisper at the movies, make sure it's loud enough for everyone to hear.

* If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it.

* But if you can afford it, make sure you tell everyone what you paid
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 1 comment