Madcap (zimdanen) wrote,

  • Music:

Russian Roulette

An African leader makes an official trip to Russia. At the end of the
trip, the Russian leader tells the African that in Russia they have a
custom performed at farewells called "Russian Roulette" to demonstrate
one's courage.
The Russian whips out a revolver, loads one chamber, gives the cylinder
spin, puts the gun to his head and pulls the trigger...CLICK...empty
Not to be outdone, the African repeats the ritual...CLICK...empty.
The next year, the Russian visits the African country. At the end of the
trip, the African tells his Russian peer that he was very impressed with
"Russian Roulette" and that he has spent the last year devising an African
ritual to demonstrate one's courage.
The African then disappears through a door only to reappear a few minutes
later smiling, and says, "Your turn."
The African escorts the Russian through the door.
In the room are six of the most beautiful, naked women he has ever seen.
The African explains that he is to choose one of the women, who will
perform oral sex on him.
Absolutely dumbfounded, the Russian asks, "What kind of test of courage
is this?"
"One of them is a cannibal"

edit: Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the

words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials

of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three

kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a

blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My

husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of

golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.

After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the

good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without

thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's


THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a

store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the

display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I

replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh

hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.

To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler

decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able

to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from

other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she

would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a

voice just as threatening, If you don't let me go right now, I will tell

Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence

was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers

stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked

out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the

door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many

times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training

and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a

quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.

While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I

checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that

Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed

to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an

accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny,

are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW

that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.

Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This

time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his

cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked

to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat

down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh

they'd ever had!

LAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2

days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future,

likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow

but don't get any...a true story... We had a female news anchor that, the

day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the

weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set but half the crew did too they

were laughing so hard!

At last, they have published the recipe for Viagra.
> I knew it! I knew they would finally release the ingredients in Viagra:
> 3% Vitamin E
> 2% Aspirin
> 2% Ibuprofen
> 1% Vitamin C
> 5% Spray Starch
> 87% Fix-A-Flat
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