1. If you were a banana, what color would you be?
2. If dogs could talk, what would they tell you about your crotch?
3. If Ramen were never invented, what would you eat?
4. If you lost one of your eyes, would you send the other one out to find it? If so, what would you do while it was gone?
5. If you're filling this out, you're obviously avoiding something else. What is it, and why aren't you doing it?
6. I know you think I'm sexy; you know you think I'm sexy.
7. Why don't you have naked pictures on the intarweb? And if you do, what's the link?
8. If you could be only three words for the rest of your life, what would they be? Why? And have you ever tried to turn yourself into a PB&J sandwich?
9. If your soup had a cat in it, would it feel comfortable, or would your soup irritate it?
10. If you could choose between 817 pennies and fourteen-and-a-half pieces of cheese, which would you choose?
11. What if the cheese was moldy?
12. What if the pennies were moldy?
13. What if you were moldy?
14. WHAT IF YOUR MOTHER WAS MOLDY, TREBEK?!
16. Did you know that Steve really likes you? He told me. He told me not to tell you, though, so you didn't get this from me.
17. Isn't the number 17 a really cool number?
18. If you had 3 cell phones, would you throw one at a homeless person?
19. If you had 3 homeless people, what would you do with them, and where would you keep them?
20. Are radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars cute? If not, why not?
27. I am a giant spoon. True or false?
28. If your teddy bear could talk back, would you still tell it everything you do?
29. If you decided not to fill out this survey, why not?
30. WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME ANYMORE?!?!?! ::runs off crying::