Madcap (zimdanen) wrote,

Please help.

EDIT: This will be rewritten tonight (hopefully) and reposted tomorrow, so you don't have to bother doing it tonight. However, your help tomorrow would greatly be appreciated. :)

The following is the rough draft of my essay for admission into MIT. It, obviously, greatly needs revision, and I ask that any who see this entry please take the time to review my essay and make comments and suggestions - MIT is my top choice, and I need a top-notch essay.


Prompt: An application to MIT is much more than a set of test scores, grades and activities. It's often a reflection of an applicant's dreams and aspirations, dreams shaped by the worlds we inhabit. We'd like to know a bit more about your world. Describe the world you come from, for example your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?


Thunder rumbled through the darkness, punctuating every word and gesture. It was a dangerous time, and the utmost caution had to be exercised. The enemy could be around any corner, hiding in any nook or cranny – or in plain sight. After all, as the expression goes, “just because there’s nowhere to hide doesn’t mean nobody’s hiding there.” At this point, I did what any sensible person would do – I reached for a carrot and popped it into my mouth.
My friends and I sat, stood, or lay around the living room, paying rapt attention to the Dungeon Master. His words unfolded a world around us, put us into the thick of battle and onto the heights of victory – and the depths of defeat. Every situation was put before us again and again, and each time we had a hand in shaping which situation was to come about. The possibilities were endless, and there the dreams began.
Yes, there the dreams began – the quest for knowledge, the goals to climb the unimaginable heights of leadership, and the understanding of the importance of friends. But no dream could be built without a foundation, and that foundation came from my origins – my family, my sense of cultural pride, and the learning imparted to me by my teachers and friends.
I was born in Donetsk, Ukraine, and moved to America when I was a few months short of four. My parents wanted the best for my brother and myself, and this was the world where dreams could come true. It was certainly better than the oppressive communist regime. From my parents I learned the import of hard work and using my head – I was always taught to persevere, never be satisfied when I could do better, and challenge myself at every opportunity. When I was young, my father would help my brother with math, and I would always be there to bug him to give me math problems as well.
My father taught me math at a young age and helped keep me ahead of my classes at school, and I developed a passion for math, especially for logic. That love of logic brought me to be interested in programming, which to me seems like nothing so much as a great exercise in logic, and the reputation of MIT attracted itself to me as a tool with which I could vastly develop my thinking skills, and a boost toward my goal of putting myself in such a position in the world that I could affect it for the better.
The values that my family instilled in me – hard work, thinking, and respect for self – and reinforced by the influence of teachers and friends – to keep going, to think hard, and to hold myself above the influences of drugs – have affected my development so as to make me value intelligence and proper use of power above most all things. This leads me to push myself to great heights, not settling for a less-than-excellent college and going after my dreams.
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