September 30th, 2006


(no subject)

Brewmasters from around the world all meet up in New York for a brewing convention. After the day's festivities, the brewmasters from Budweiser, Miller, and Guinness get to talking and all decide to go out together to continue their conversations.

When they get to the bar, the brewmaster from Budweiser calls over the bartender and says, "I'll have a Bud." The brewmaster from Miller follows suit: "I'll have an MGD." The brewmaster from Guinness looks at them both, then looks at the bartender and calmly says, "Coke, please." Shocked, the other two brewmasters look at the man from Guinness and ask, "Why didn't you order a Guinness?"

He looks back and replies, "Well, if you guys aren't drinking, neither am I."

edit: Hahaha, off "How to tell if you are a Russian from Northeast Philly:" Your idea of a normal Friday or Saturday night is spending it raving with 200-300 of your closest friends.

(no subject)

A father watched his young daughter playing in the
garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and
pure his little girl was. He thought about her seeing
the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He
went over to her to see what work of God had captured
her attention He noticed she was looking at two
spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.
"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs ?" the little
girl asked.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and
innocent question, he replied "No dear. Both of them
are Daddy Longlegs."
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for
a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat and
said, "Well, we're not having any of that
Brokeback-Mountain shit in our garden."