July 27th, 2005


(no subject)

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring... it was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

Granny paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

(no subject)

I checked into a hotel on a business trip recently and was a bit lonely so I
thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths
when you are calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad
for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in
the photo.
She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair,
long graceful legs all the way up to her butt. You know the kind.

So I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call.

"Hello?" the woman says. God she sounded sexy. "Hi, I hear you give a great
massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No,
wait, I should be
straight with you. I'm in town all alone, and what I really want is sex. I want
it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the
whole night long.
You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your
bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on,
cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby.
Now, how does that sound?"

She says, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9."