January 4th, 2004



[01/04, 01:00] JimBob4554: Every time you do a good deed, a server gets its pings.
[01/04, 01:00] DDR Takumi: i think that broke my head

(no subject)

[01/04, 01:12] Person: I once took count, a while ago.
[01/04, 01:13] Person: at that point, almost 90 percent of the people I was close to wanted to kill themselves
[01/04, 01:13] Person: it was a sobering moment
[01/04, 01:13] Person: better statistics now, admittedly
[01/04, 01:14] JimBob4554: I've noticed that pretty much all teens go through that.
[01/04, 01:14] JimBob4554: So I stopped caring.
[01/04, 01:14] Person: I'm glad for you.
[01/04, 01:14] Person: really, I am.
[01/04, 01:14] JimBob4554: No you're not.
[01/04, 01:14] Person: I can't.
[01/04, 01:14] Person: actually, I am
[01/04, 01:14] Person: you're lucky
[01/04, 01:14] JimBob4554: No, just different.
[01/04, 01:14] JimBob4554: Each has its own problems.
[01/04, 01:14] Person: I wish I could stop caring.
[01/04, 01:14] Person: things would be easier.
[01/04, 01:14] JimBob4554: I wish I could care again. ;) Like I said, each has its own problems.

edit: I would like to point out right now that every time I say anything like that, I exaggerate and skew the truth horribly. Whenever I'm harsh on myself or whatnot, take it with a barrel of salt. It's gotten me in trouble when people took me at my word rather than bothering to look deeper and make their own judgements.

(no subject)

Rather than continue arguments where I get very angry (which I don't like doing - I prefer to argue with a completely clear head and completely cool logic), I'll just post this in here. To the female half of the population: You're worthless. Shut up.

No, that's not a male chauvenistic statement. It's a concise and unclear way to complain about something that I'm sick of. I don't want to hear responses to this - you don't know what I'm talking about, so don't try to attack me for it, okay? Kthx.


[01/04, 02:06] BenBenRythmKing: I suck at being vicious in person
[01/04, 02:07] BenBenRythmKing: 'cause there isn't really anybody that I dislike
[01/04, 02:07] BenBenRythmKing: the internet is more detached, though
[01/04, 02:07] JimBob4554: yep
[01/04, 02:07] JimBob4554: its easier to be a jackass online
[01/04, 02:07] JimBob4554: i know that for sure :D
[01/04, 02:08] BenBenRythmKing: haha
[01/04, 02:08] BenBenRythmKing: it's true though
[01/04, 02:08] BenBenRythmKing: I could never be half the jerk I am online if the people were right in front of me
[01/04, 02:08] JimBob4554: i couldn't either
[01/04, 02:08] JimBob4554: ::hugs the net:: thx, net!

edit: If I could live without the net for a while, I would. But every time I withdraw from the net, I get heavily, massively depressed and/or restless. I wonder if they have twelve-steppers for this kinda shit...

(no subject)

"Blar. It's hard to think of how to stick within the metaphor. Life sucks. I wish I could feel. Properly. I wish I could just be real with people and have real friends again and not have to cry alone and not let anyone see. I wish I could stop hiding behind fake fucking arrogance and just be me again. I wish I didn't blame this all on Melissa, but I do, because I still think she did this to me. I wish a lot of fucking things that will never come true, so I don't see why I should give a flying fuck about the sky. All my wishes are worthless and I'm stuck down here."

Well. Look what welled up. >.> That's not supposed to happen.

Anyway.. keeping this public, either as a cry to someone or as an attempt to push them away. Not that they're not away anyway.. or something. Feel free to have a field day with comments on this one - no point in keeping them off. This should be interesting.


[01/04, 02:28] JimBob4554: Too dependent on people.
[01/04, 02:28] JimBob4554: ::shrug::
[01/04, 02:28] JimBob4554: I dunno.
[01/04, 02:28] JimBob4554: Trying to reach out to people to see what used to be the real me.
[01/04, 02:28] JimBob4554: Don't know why - won't accomplish anything.

moredit: Rereading that last paragraph, I guess I know what the problem is. Dammit. Definitely gonna be that push. Which is good, anyway, just not for me. :P But since I don't actually matter, it's okay.


Since the mood is on me and this is likely the only chance I'll give myself to say this..

I'm sorry. Everything was a mistake, and it was all completely my fault. I've had problems with emotions for over a year because of things, and I'm pretty fucked up at the moment. Doesn't particularly make anything better or anything, but I just wanted to apologize.

hey cool

[01/04, 02:51] JimBob4554: no, i stopped wanting a love substitute and tried to find love agian
[01/04, 02:51] JimBob4554: again
[01/04, 02:51] JimBob4554: it didnt work
[01/04, 02:52] JimBob4554: obviously
[01/04, 02:52] JimBob4554: but during that time i got really fucked up
[01/04, 02:52] JimBob4554: cuz i reached out and it didnt work
[01/04, 02:52] JimBob4554: hey cool i pinpointed it

k, so i can stop blaming melissa now. sweet. i'm good. go random conversation.

edit: "go random conversation. everything's my fault again."

moredit: but whenever one of my friends cries and i'm actually there in person, a little bit of what i like about me comes out, because i can hold them and get them through it for that moment.
[01/04, 03:10] JimBob4554: i think thats the only part of me that i still like

moran'moredit:[01/04, 03:24] JimBob4554: i want to be able to give myself completely to someone again. i dont really care if i dont accomplish anything with my life if i get that. but i dont trust people enough, and i overanalyze everyone so much that i cant find anyone thats worth it anymore. but i just want to be in love like i used to be, to fall so deeply that i am theirs, that i would do anything for them. i miss obsession, much as it hurt and was depressing.

Hahaha, nice.

Reading sonnets for English; like this one. This is the end to a sonnet, came outta nowhere:

Hers will I be, and only with this thought
Content myself although my chance be nought.


Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show,
That the dear she might take some pleasure of my pain,
Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know,
Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain,
I sought fit words to paint the blackest face of woe:
Studying inventions fine, her wits to entertain,
Oft turning others' leaves, to see if thence would flow
Some fresh and fruitful showers upon my sunburned brain.
But words came halting forth, wanting Invention's stay;
Invention, Nature's child, fled stepdame Study's blows;
And others' feet still seemed but strangers in my way.
Thus, great with child to speak, and helpless in my throes,
Biting my truant pen, beating myself for spite:
"Fool," said my Muse to me, "look in thy heart, and write."

Ya know, I really hate my English assignments most of the time, because they never inspire a good mood. Really, never. It's always crap like this. I mean, it makes sense, since it's the most prevalent topic and all, especially in writing, but damn!

moredit: "My lonely anguish melts no heart but mine,"
"I fruitless mourn to him that cannot hear,
And weep the more because I weep in vain."

It's crap, but I'm done. (take two)

The world gives life, and life gives this to thee,
And with this gift take you a new relief
That thus with life and gift in hand you flee,
To wile away your life like shadowed thief.
But none can hide such beauty and devote
Their life enough to keep it all alive,
But as time pass and love do cease to float,
It must be free and live enough to thrive.
But you that steal and hide it all away,
To keep yourself and let it all to waste,
To you do I thus have the need to say:
Let live and set it free with all due haste.

Beauty must not be kept from light a-shy:
It must be out to shame the sun in sky.

edit: Wow, like my whole friends page is depressing. That sucks.

(no subject)

"I don't have a monitor for that computer."
"So buy me a flatscreen and take mine."
"Okay. How big?"

XD Alex got a wireless access point and set it up, so I'll be able to get online on my ibook once I have him set it up for me.

Hunted down Chelsea. (Gee, that was hard.)

Off to work.


Got 22.23 hours in the past four days. Yay for money.

Work schedule:

Tues 1/6 - 6-V
Sun 1/11 - 4-V
Fri 1/16 - 5-V
Sat 1/17 - 6-CL

Now I've got 8 journals to write. :P But at least I did the sonnet!

(no subject)

Girls are useless. At least when they're thought of as girls instead of friends. I wish I could just think of them as friends again. There's really no point in going after any girls at this point.


I'm switching SNs. If you actually care enough to want to talk to me (read: probably not you), contact me and I'll add you to my list. I wanna see how this works out for me.

(no subject)

Could I be with you alone?
I'm not sure where this will go.
'Cause we don't have the time we need,
Just enough to make us bleed.

edit: I've been having doubts
That I could feel again,
But I believe that I'm in love

Lyrics, people, lyrics. Don't kill me.
  • Current Music
    Blessid Union of Souls - Forever for Tonight

Bash.org fun instead of homework.

Man, I remember when I used to go to bash.org and entertain myself for hours (and also cheer myself up a bit).

Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
TheXPhial> vaccuums
Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
TheXPhial> black holes
Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
TheXPhial> lava?

phr0id> anyone have e-txr2.001?, im on 56k
juntog> that's like asking "anyone want to have sex? I have aids!"


For some reason, that last one reminds me of Derek and Takumi. :P

saloo> hey wanna chat;)?
Nataliehotgurl16> yeah hot guy
saloo> a/s/l
saloo> u thr
Nataliehotgurl16> 16/f/ca
saloo> 29/m here
saloo> wanna talk sex;)?
Nataliehotgurl16> STATUTORY RAPE
Nataliehotgurl16> STATUTORY RAPE
Nataliehotgurl16> STATUTORY RAPE
Nataliehotgurl16> STATUTORY RAPE
Nataliehotgurl16> STATUTORY RAPE
Nataliehotgurl16> STATUTORY RAPE
  • Current Music
    Blessid Union of Souls - Let Me Be The One

spammin' with bash

EvilJoven> PDF is suck
EvilJoven> everyone should make their manuals using HTML
hikari-chan> Why do people in insist on using verbs as adjectives?
tack> because is fun
ketsugi> cos that's so impress
EvilJoven> because everythings been done before
EvilJoven> our generation has nothing to conquer, everythings been explored, we're basically just sitting here now kinda hanging out until the generation above us dies and we can take over
EvilJoven> so screw it, lets play nintendo and butcher the english language

Jabberwocky> I made a life-sized Battlemech out of legos. I would have taken over the city too, if I hadn't run out of 2x4s for autocannon rounds.

Daishi> i couldn't connect to irc, so i went out with my gf instead


Tetsubo> ever wish you could just start life over cause you didn't know what to do the first time around and messed it all up?
Tetsubo> why doesn't real life have a tutorial mode?

Tovart|Away> Pino, i'm wondering
Tovart|Away> You're from Japan, right?
pino> ‚g‚‰I
Tovart|Away> I'll take that as a yes.

P1E> greetings, IRCMonkey
IRCMonkey> Hi, I'm just wandering here, irc 1st timer!
P1E> there's first time for everything I guess
P1E> =]
IRCMonkey> :-))
IRCMonkey> Good bye! See you!
-- IRCMonkey has quit (Client Quit)
P1E> wow, that was, er, short
CharlieG> the first time usually is

Ubik> speaking of Jenga, it's the 1-year anniversery of 9/11 tomorrow

craig> i'm sorry, i should've remembered that many people are pedanic here
Crappy> it's pedantic

That is so me.

OO7MIKE> superconducting is how you turn a 3ghz processor into a 30ghz processor
OO7MIKE> which is my main research subject
Rukee> how do you get it that cold and keep it that cold? Liquid nitrogen?
pocketMidget> use a woman's heart as the heatsink
* pocketMidget rimshot
  • Current Music
    Blessid Union of Souls - Forever for Tonight