October 6th, 2003


Shoot me. Just fucking shoot me.

I'm about this close to fucking dropping everything; I've been going all through the fucking day just wanting to drop one thing after another. Chorus - I can't fucking sing, so why the fuck am I there? Number theory - I've understood less than a quarter of the shit we've done, and I've got a test tomorrow. Guard - I've forgotten everything, not getting new shit, everything's just going to fucking hell. Heck, I didn't even *learn* some of the stuff because we went over it once while I wasn't there and never went over it again. Sorrel - Jeff walks up to me today and tells me that there's "trouble" because of shit from homecoming. Ya know what? I don't give a fuck. About any of it. I am just THIS close to dropping all of it and just sleeping for the rest of the fucking year. Have five classes, nothing else to worry about besides college apps and scholarship apps.. god, how wonderful that would be.....

But hey, on the bright side, we've pretty much closed on the house, so I get to fucking take a lot of time that I don't have to move! Yay!

Shoot me. Fucking shoot me.

If you need me.. well, you're fucked. I'm off limits for the time being. Deal with your shit on your own.

edit: Oh, and forgot to mention that I've had a headache since the moment I woke up, and Ibuprofen didn't help in the least. Joy. And I've been pseudo-fasting in pseudo-honor of Yom Kippur. Day of Atonement. Well kill me now and send me to a long fucking time of Pergatory.

editagain: To clarify, I really like Sorrel. Just coming to this realization - perhaps it'll last this time? Anyway (yeah, I've calmed down a bit), she's not that happy either, so we'll see if this lasts or not. I'm definitely not the kind of guy that she needs though.
  • Current Mood

Defending Guard to a band person that's just like all the others.

"Actually, most of the people on Guard are not 'lazy and stupid and apathetic'. They're not the smartest bunch, no, but they work hard and care. (Minus Grace and possibly some of the older people.) And we know how to march, but a lot of us are new and are having difficulty marching and doing the work at the same time. You've had a little bit more experience than we have. And we know most of the work, but we need to refresh our memories and didn't get a chance to do that - we haven't worked on the work from the fourth song since summer, so it's been at least five weeks since we've bothered with that stuff. We've been slightly more focused on the work we actually DO in the show; now that we're getting to this, we'll be working on this as well.

And ya know what? We're coming to the game. If we didn't give a rat's ass, we wouldn't do that. Some of us aren't going to Neko at all because of Guard. The rest are giving up part of Neko and balancing the two damn things because we're not about to sit around and give up our every little bit of fun because there's a competition on that Saturday as well. You may not think it's as important, but I think that one competition isn't as important as something that is that life-affecting. And if you'd actually go to a convention, you'd see how important they are. Everything's important in its own way.

And what the hell are they supposed to do? The only person in Guard they see that can stand up to the band is Rita. Why? Because the band does nothing but tell them how useless they are and how they're not really part of band and how nobody cares. So what the heck are they supposed to do? They've been given inferiority complexes because you guys can't seem to get it through your heads that without Guard, THERE IS NO SHOW. We're the eye candy; you're just the background. We make the show. Both parts are important; we'd look pretty damn stupid out there twirling flags without music, but nobody would care if you were just playing music. They wouldn't even look at you."